Hello my lovelies, this is ABGW, amazing, brilliant, gorgeous, wonderful, Cheryl here. Now, in the last episode, we named the beast. When relax becomes disappear. Now today we're going to look at what actually creates safety and steadiness. Because comfort and safety are not the same thing. Comfort is a soft chair. Safety is the feeling that you can be in your life without flinching all the time. So we'll explore where your leverage really is without pretending it's easy. And yes, the office chair is back. It's basically a recurring character at this point. So let's talk about comfort. You know it too. Modern life is obsessed with it. We've got chairs designed to cuddle your spine into sufficient. Mattresses that promise to arrange your problems. Apps that soothe you while quietly stealing your attention. And as you already know, we we sit very still, most of us, for eight hours. We come home depleted and we wonder why everything aches. Why our patience is razor thin? Why the smallest request from a child can feel like someone shaking a fizzy drink. Because here's the truth comfort can be pleasant, but it doesn't automatically make you well. A super soft mattress doesn't make life easier. It makes lying down easier. An ultra comfy office chair doesn't make your body healthier. It makes sitting still more tempting. An evening of zoning out doesn't always create rest. Sometimes it creates avoidance. So let's bring this back to something more humane, um, maybe less furniture-based. What your nervous system is looking for isn't softness, it's safety. And safety often comes from two things we underestimate being in a relationship that holds you, really holds you, and having an internal stance that doesn't crumble under demand. Now the second one matters much, much more, I think, for us professional women, because we're trained to cope, we can perform competency on fumes. You can smile when your brain is screaming, you can carry your team, deadlines, households, and still feel guilty for wanting 10 minutes alone. So let me ask you something. Are you trying to make life easier or are you trying to become sturdier inside life? Because easier is not always comfortable, it's not always available, not will work, not will parenting, not will neurodiversity in the mix, not with a partner who doesn't step up, not with financial pressure, but sturdiness, hmm. I think that's slightly different. It's not a demand, to me, it's more like a direction. Now, I want to revisit the parenting thread just for a minute because it's the emotional chord here, emotional core. That speaker you mentioned, the one emphasizing one-to-one time with each child, especially from fathers and male role models. I want to underline the key without turning this into a lecture. To me, the point isn't perfection, the point is presence, presence, and presence doesn't have to be like a big theatrical thing. No, no, no. It doesn't have to look like one of those ping interest families, it can be small, it can be ordinary, it can be tell me what you're thinking instead of hurry up. It can be eye contact for long enough that your child feels that you actually have arrived. So, what does presence look like in your home? Not ideally, but realistically. If you can imagine it, that's okay. Just notice that you can't imagine, always imagine it that data. Not a failing, that's okay. And what would your child say they get from you most evenings? Attention, management, or both. Because many exhausted parents that I know slip into management mode is sufficient, it's survival, it's also where connection unfortunately goes to die. Now I want to say something carefully, especially if you're parenting a neurodiverse child, because connection might look different to you, it might be shorter, it might be more structured, it might be a shared interest, a routine, a predictable moment. It might not be long chats, it might not be cuddles, it might be side by side rather than face to face. But the thing is, it still counts, and boundaries still count too. If you've ever thought, if I say no, I'll feel cruel, you're not alone. When many women feel as if we've been trained to equate boundaries with rejection, but boundaries, I see it, done with steadiness, are often a form of care. They tell your partner, they tell a child, you're not in charge of everything, I'm here, I can hold this. So here's a question for you, my lovelies, because it cuts through the noise. If you could hold your stress at arm's length, what would you notice that you can't see close up? Would you see how much you're carrying? Would you see where support is missing? Would you see that you're asking yourself to do the impossible in a really polite voice? And this is where resources come in. Not as a do this now, but as a truth. Because support matters, practical support, emotional support, fair distribution of labor, community, professional help if you need it. Not because you're weak, but because you're human. And if your partner doesn't help, I'm not going to pretend that listening to this podcast episode can fix it. But what I will say is this naming reality clearly is the beginning of agency. I appreciate that's not a motivational quote, but to me it's a grown-up woman quote. And finally, let's land on state. When your inner state is fried, everything feels like an attack. A question feels like criticism, a child's needs feels like a demand. A simple request feels like a last straw sometimes. So the aim for me is not to be come all the time, because that's impossible. The aim is what would enough look like if you stopped aiming for perfection? Enough connection to keep your relationships alive, enough rest that you return as yourself, and enough honesty that you stop disappearing and start choosing. That's the sturdier part. Not easy, I appreciate, but real. So, quick recap for you. Comfort isn't the same as safety, and soft solutions don't always restore you. Sturdiness comes from being present, support, and in a state that doesn't collapse under pressure or demand, even when life stays hard. So, if you enjoyed any part of this, remember to subscribe, share, and repeat. Because remember, every step you take, no matter how small, is a step towards a brighter, more balanced future. So remember, trust in your journey and remember progress is progress no matter the pace. Bye for now.